Wednesday’s Words of the… JOSEP “PEP” GUARDIOLA

Hello fellow followers of the Messiah! I, Josep “Pep” Guardiola i Sala, am sorry to inform you all that little Lionel will not be able to produce his weekly words today. You see the team that plays perfect football managed to… (sorry I’m not able to write this “L” word) this past weekend as we travelled to face Atletico Madrid. I must take full responsibility for the loss because I did not consider the possibility that something perfect could be defeated by something imperfect. This is an anomaly, but then again, so is my team.

You may all still be wondering as to why I am here instead of our minute magician, and it is because I have sent the entire team (even Maxwell) to meditate with the Dalai Lama himself. For once, this immaculate idea did not stem from my ineffable decision-making, but rather from “His Holiness”, the Dalai Lama himself. You see, the Dalai Lama is a Barcelona fan, and he told me (in our weekly Skype sessions) that he was very displeased with the team’s “imperfect” performance on Sunday. Such harsh words, and yet, such wise words. Anyway, he requested that the team be sent to him to truly “be perfect” as a team, eradicating all the imperfections that come with being an individual. So the Messiah is simply meditating with the Dalai Lama. And that is that. He should be back next week, unless we (“L” word) again, which will not happen. And it cannot happen, for all that is good in the world looks up the beacon that is Barcelona.

By the way, my good graces go to Jean Makoun. Thank you for punishing Real Madrid for their materialistic sins and their barbaric brand of football with a goal that was pleasing on the eyes. I will personally tell Puyol not to break your legs in two if we happen to face your team.

That was my message to give, and I am sorry that the Dalai Lama has taken Messi to strengthen his spirit. Because I have some time on my hands, I will continue my pursuit of Cesc Fabregas through means of proving to Arsene Wenger through philosophical means why Cesc will be a better contribution to the world by playing for Barcelona.

Thank you,

Josep “Pep” Guardiola i Sala

(By the way, a picture of the Dalai Lama supporting Barcelona is embedded below.)