Plus ca Change

Many people, myself included, have, since the World Cup of 2006 taken a wry and rather detached view of England’s football team. The reason for this is clear, in that you can only countenance disappointment and letdowns so many times before you finally become sick of it.

I, when England games roll around now, seem to be overtaken by an overpowering sense of ennui, of hopelessness, of knowing that it is never going to come right. The appointment of Fabio Capello was meant to signal a complete sea change in the life of the England football team. And yet, as the title suggests, plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose; that is, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

England’s line-up for Wednesday’s game against the Czech Republic had the stale air of the ghosts of England managers past. The back line picks itself, though it has to be noted that Ferdinand and Terry, two class centre halves, had a rare shaky night. However, my main concern is that I am seemingly the only person in the country that thinks that David James is a simply awful goalkeeper.

I cannot believe this bumbling, past-it keeper is seen by all and sundry as the natural and immutable number one for England. Bar his shot stopping, which is average at best, he is a liability, bad in the air and his decision making is about as steady as the thinking behind New Coke.

Maybe he was once good, but it is time for the Portsmouth stopper to take a side step and allow some of the more youthful, extremely talented men through, Ben Foster and Joe Hart being the two that spring most prominently to mind.

The typically English midfield imbroglio was once again in evidence too, with the area displaying all the lopsided balance of a see-saw being straddled by a wasp and a rhino. Inexplicably, the supposedly revolutionary and strict Capello makes, and continues to make, the same McClaren-esque mistake (or should it now be “mishtayke” after his comical interview complete with cod-Dutch accent last week?) of attempting to shoehorn Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard into the same team.

It doesn’t work and never has, and it is baffling to me that the manager seemingly values Lampard above Gerrard. The Chelsea man huffed and puffed around midfield doing little or nothing, whilst the banished Liverpool captain, wherever Capello insisted he was playing, still managed to be our best player, even though he was marginalised out wide. David Beckham, despite being the fine servant for his country he has undoubtedly been, seriously needs to step down. If football were like netball and played primarily standing still, Beckham would probably be the best player ever.

As it is now, his fading energy levels see him shown up on the international stage. I watched in horror for the first Czech goal as he galloped quixotically across the pitch after the ball, leaving Brown exposed and the cross converted, via Cole’s foot, into the net. His dead ball delivery is still unerringly accurate, but his overall game now is not of a level commensurate with international football and he should be moved on, as he is becoming a liability.

Up top, Jermaine Defoe seemingly wished to decapitate Peter Cech, such was his apparent inability to hit a ball low and hard into corners, as strikers should be able to do in their sleep. Wayne Rooney, once again displaying his self-restricting, altruistic football nature, bombed about and worked as assiduously as ever, without ever really threatening. The Czechs would have been extremely happy seeing Rooney far from their goal, and not running at or through them with the intent we all know he possesses.

However, as an optimist by nature (believe it or not), I always attempt to find the silver lining. In fits and starts, England did show some patience and competency on the ball. Some of the passing and movement was sweet and the work rate of the players was undeniable. However, the overall feeling is that the performance was one of torpid, imbalanced ineptitude, with a distinct lack of pace and new thinking.

Capello’s teams are supposed to play within disciplined, pragmatic limitations, and yet our midfield looked as if it had been introduced for the first time in the tunnel. The Czechs, with their adroit use of the ball, frolicked in the space as the chasm between the defence and midfield yawned. So, you might be asking, do I have any solutions? Well I don’t get paid £6m a year for it, but for what it’s worth, here is how I would fix England...

1) Replace David James; he has to go. Pick any from Kirkland, Foster, Hart or even Carson, as he deserves another chance after the Croatia debacle.

2) We are defensively sound really, but it should be on form. Wes Brown is rightly on the right now, but any slips and Micah Richards offers athleticism and can do a fine job down that side too.

3) Cut the dead wood. Lampard cannot, and therefore should not, function with Steven Gerrard in the side. Gerrard is more effective at this level, therefore Lampard should be gone. Ditto with Beckham, who is way past it and is not up to it at this level anymore.

4) Make the squad a meritocracy again. The squad has an unchanging air, with some “untouchables” clearly there. If they are playing badly, GET THEM OUT and PICK ON FORM.

5) With this point, don’t be afraid of youth and pace. The former usually provides the latter, and it is vital at international level. Ashley Young is a talent and Gabby Agbonlahor should have played, on merit, in the team on Wednesday night.

6) Play Joe Cole. He is the closest we have to a “number ten” that other countries treasure, yet we as country seem to try our best to marginalise him. He is one of very few England players who can create from nothing, and he is tricky and dangerous. If fit, and if in form, he should play.

7) Finally, eradicate the problem of the “left side” by getting rid of it. Play four at the back, one sitting behind three narrow, then two up front. Encourage the full backs to get on and you have a great system. This is the team that should have played, if I’d have had the reins, on Wednesday:

Foster
Brown
Cole
Terry
Ferdinand
Barry
Bentley
Gerrard
J Cole
Rooney
Agbonlahor

There is balance, pace, invention, and a workable system. When Fabio messes this up, as he inexorably seems to be doing at present, please take this as my speculative application for the job. I tell you what, I could fix this country up as well while I’m at it, just give me a week or so to come up with a decent manifesto.

In any case, here’s hoping that England do sort themselves out, if only so we long-suffering fans finally have something to cheer about.