David versus Beckham versus Australia

By Max Grieve

Beckham. Australia. Lucrative. Speculation. POSSIBILITIES. They’re all words, but what do they have in common?

We were convinced that the trans-Pacific liner carrying David Beckham and all manner of spices and exotic fruits would dock in Sydney Harbour. The newly-appointed CEO of the Football Federation Australia, David Gallop, told the country that he had spoken to those mysterious ‘people’ who decide the midfielder’s life for him. ‘David Beckham,’ Gallop declared in an actual quote, ‘can kick a free-kick, and do some other stuff too.’

Australian football knows international superstardom – indeed, we have seen cultured forwardsman Emile ‘The Touch’ Heskey at his imperial finest this season – but Beckham would take the game to an entirely new level. Imagine the delirium, then, when a mere four hours after news of his imminent arrival broke, his ‘people’ – those malevolent bastions of misery – took to the skies in a biplane, and launched an almighty assault on the dreams of a nation. Apparently, he had no interest in Australia. We wept for a time, then got on with watching Alessandro Del Piero, who I will get to shortly.

Naturally, Beckham’s announcement that he will end his time in America after the MLS Cup has been contested has revived frenzied speculation over his future. Australian football, it turns out, is strangely confident that Beckham’s insistence that he’ll never even look at another kangaroo in his life is a lie. I have no such conviction, but it’s still nice to imagine a league in which Del Piero, Beckham and Heskey can peacefully and happily co-exist, and play out their remaining days.

Elsewhere, outside the realms of conjecture and wonderment, Sydney FC are in trouble. They sit rooted to the bottom of the ladder and, having snatched defeat from the jaws of victory two weeks ago against bitter rivals Melbourne Victory, are without a manager. Ex-Socceroos coach Frank Farina has been touted as one of the favourites, while Ruud Gullit, Gordon Strachan and Avram Grant are reported to be interested in the job. Sven-Göran Erikkson, meanwhile, offered his services for $1m per season, though was only prepared to see through a single league campaign. The world continues to revolve around the Sun.

Del Piero scored twice in Sydney’s 4-2 loss to Brisbane Roar. Both were utterly majestic. The world continues to revolve around the Sun – you know the score.

Ten points separate first from last on the ladder, though the arrival of David Beckham is predicted to flip the league table, and have devastating effects on the environment, local sanity and physics. Emile Heskey did little – SHOCK! – as the Newcastle Jets fell to Wellington Phoenix, though did score another winning goal against Western Sydney last week. Wunderkind Tommy Rogic continues his divine ascent to Harry Kewell: Darling of the Nation-esque heights, after becoming the first Australian to represent his country in futsal and football. Michael Bridges is doing nothing of interest, to nobody’s surprise.

On the other side of the world, David Beckham, winner of the Premier League, everything and the universe, packs his bags for Perth. ‘Where?’ ask the millions. I know, I’ve never heard of it either.

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    By Max Grieve Beckham. Australia. Lucrative. Speculation. POSSIBILITIES. They’re all words, but what do they have in...
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    Beckham. Australia. Lucrative. Speculation. POSSIBILITIES. They’re all words, but what do they have in common? We were...
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  10. bubliya said: would be nice to dream for a little while. can’t imagine him playing in Perth though, despite Glory’s enthusiasm. it just wouldn’t suit him (I mean his family & their flashy celebrity lifestyle)
  11. sushantelnino said: ya right david in australia ;P
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  13. footballbl0g reblogged this from afootballreport and added:
    If only.
  14. afootballreport posted this
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