(Not) in the news this week

by Amit Katwala, writing from London

1. Newcastle fans are outraged as owner Mike Ashley spends the proceeds from Andy Carroll’s sale to Liverpool on a 40 foot solid gold statue of himself outside St. James’ Park, flabby arms outstretched like the Angel of the North (as pictured).

2. Liverpool announce plans to re-sign Craig Bellamy, forming a formidable attacking trio in combination with Gerrard and Carroll. Unfortunately they end up doing more attacking off the pitch then on it. Nightclub patrons of the North-West, beware!

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(Source: cheekychip)