I am José Mourinho, and you hate me because you must

“It is not normal to sell an image of perfection, because at the end of the day nobody is perfect.” - José. May 6, 2012.

You won’t know why I said it. Lots of people think they know me - that they have the measure of me. None of them do, they say it is something in my character, the impulse that drives me - then two weeks later it will be that I’m such a devious planner and that it’s all mind games. You can’t get your stories straight because it really doesn’t have anything to do with me, this perception of yours. It has everything to do with what you want, and what you need.

Is it some sort of surprise that these things come out of me? You all want football to be a narrative, a story with all the component parts. You want characters: some to cheer and others to shout down. It was the television that did this - the same place you could watch The Lone Ranger became the same place your football lives. Therefore, all the plotlines have to be easy for you, so I make them easy: you’re either with me or against me.

It’s an easy choice for you, the viewer. Everywhere I go, all the teams I have led, I’ve been the villain. The supporters, they love me because when I let loose I’m always pointing away from them. Everyone else gets to hate me because they’re the ones getting hit. It actually doesn’t get to be a choice for most of you. When I say what I say, and do what I do, it’s like my hand reaches out and pokes you all in the eye, and you can’t help but to be engaged. You’re mad, and rightly so - I’ve hurt you, so now you’re a part of it. Like a magic spell I’ve cast, people all over the world, people I’ve never met, have all sorts of thoughts and feelings about me. 

You see, I never got to be the hero. The ball never came to my feet and the crowd never roared. So many of these men in the bootrooms of the world have already had days in the sun. They’re on their second ride. 

For me - this is it. My pitch is the pressroom and the dugout. My ball is the microphone, and my words are my greatest plays. All the training and tactics and preparation are important. They keep me in working hours and paychecks, but all of that planning and management doesn’t play for the television. Not for me anyways. The games belong to the players, the results belong to me. 

The game isn’t done with the time runs down. It’s never over because there is SkySports News, Marca and all the piles and piles of other papers, and the infinite scroll of the Internet. The game is never over because they are all there, and each season folds into summer, which folds into another season - over and over, etcetera, etcetera, etcetara. And you’re all watching and listening because the goals don’t come in every day, so there is me. 

I say these things because they need to be said, someone has to play the part. Like I said, “I have never sold an image of perfection.” We cannot all be the charming and courteous ones. Football is conflict, Bertrand Russell knew it, “If two hitherto rival football teams, under the influence of brotherly love, decided to co-operate in placing the football first beyond one goal and then beyond the other, no one’s happiness would be increased.” You need to hate me because you want to be happy, and in football those two things must walk arm-in-arm. You will keep hating me, and you will miss me when I am gone. 

This was written by Jordan Brown, who is new to AFR. Welcome him to the community with a comment below. You can follow Jordan on twitter @JordanSig.