The Transfer Rumour Factory: Our orgy of transfer rumour bliss

By Darshan Joshi, in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Santa is a fat man. Ridiculous, really, that fact - you’d imagine that a man kids looked up to might be a tad healthier. You’d imagine Santa being the sort of man who may fall through your chimney, roll to the dining table and tell the kids to eat their greens and to lay off the ice-cream, but he can’t because children recognise a hypocrite these days. In any case, obesity acts as a doorway to a whole host of health issues that ultimately lead to death. What we’re getting at is that Santa Claus is very, very sick. He may just die when the transfer rumour factory starts it’s Christmas celebrations… poisoned cookies with rotten milk anyone? We are in no rush to find a way to kill Santa Claus off like an actor who has had enough of a once-great television show (Ashton Kutcher…), and so we probably have enough time for our readers to chuck some suggestions in and maybe, just maybe, you might hoard the honour of narrating the demise of Father Christmas.

(Source: footballtransfers)