A Football Report

Pretty much. Unless you’re a QPR fan, nothing worth knowing went down. Though fake stories, false sightings of players on trains to [insert your city], and “Carlos Tevez to Aston Villa!!!” twitter hoaxes were in abundance. If you are interested, that’s fine. Our friends at The World’s Game summed up today’s events succinctly enough. Except actually.

The January Transfer Window led us once again into a cold and desolate world of agents and loan spells (with an option to buy for £3.5m in June, of course). But now that window has been shut, finally. Until tomorrow, don’t handcuff yourself to any goalposts.

By David Walker

The January transfer window is often a frenzied time with chairmen, managers and agents battling against the clock to secure new players. As a result, many players who move during this period often do so at over-inflated transfer fees and are hit-or-miss in terms of success. So while football clubs yet again gamble with their finances this month in the same way a mug punter blindly signs up for every offer at a free bet site, let us look at some of the more successful moves that have taken place during the history of the January transfer window. 

After delving through 10 seasons of such transfers, here is what I believe to be the strongest starting XI (in a 4-4-2 formation) from all the moves that took place. These are the players who made a huge impact at their new clubs and some who continue to do so.

Read More

By Darshan Joshi

They say the mark of a good story is one that leaves you wanting more. It abandons you as you slouch on your uncle’s rocking chair, frothing at the mouth like a well-made milkshake. In Hollywood, legions of screenwriters aim for this one stylised, and yet unique cessation to each episode, each series. Then, there is that week-long wait before the tale is resurrected, unless, of course, you are at the season’s end. Life is stagnant, at that point; more activity could be found at the local mosquitoes’ breeding grounds. Why? You couldn’t possibly go out with that inhumane thread of drool dangling over your chin, could you? What would your boss think? Or, rather more importantly, the pretty girl at the desk four rows away from you - what would she think when you walk into the office with a stalactite casually acting as a makeshift beard?!

Read More

By Darshan Joshi

Life revolves around competition. Lions compete with hyenas and cheetahs for a slab of that voluptuous-looking gazette thigh, Beyoncé and Lady GaGa for that coveted Grammy, while republicans and democrats battle for presidency every four years. When Francesc Fabregas heads away from the Emirates Stadium to join the Spanish armada in that patriotic quest known as international football, he is drowned in an environment where the word ‘losing’ is perpetually absent from vocabulary. His face is pressed up against the shaggy hair of Carles Puyol, the scruffy beard of Gerard Piqué, and the hideous goatee of David Villa. In that very moment, the truth is laid bare for the Arsenal captain – success lies on the other side of the divide.

Read More

By Amy Eustace, writing from Dublin

In the great, successful teams of the last few decades, it always seems to me that much care is taken, after due praise is given to the eleven on the pitch, to point out the names that sit on the bench. The now slightly worn out clichés of ‘strength in depth’ are bandied about. Abundance of quality is the mark of a truly good team. It’s become a given in football, a necessity, part of the landscape. In recent times, the real indicator of a team’s ability to succeed hasn’t been the starting XI, but the back up plan.

Whenever the issue of the ‘strength and depth’ is raised I always find myself thinking of Aston Villa, and their oft-forgotten 14-player championship. In the 1980/81 season, Villa secured the English first division title, fending off stiff competition, having used only 14 players throughout the course of the year. Unfortunately, I suppose, it’s not the 1980s. Villa’s league triumph was the exception, rather than the rule. These days, clubs draw from a pool restricted to 25 (boosted, when needed, by a limitless number of youth players). Purely for illustration purposes, I counted 23 players having made appearances in 2010/11 for Aston Villa. Times really have changed.

Read More

By Darshan Joshi, who should be fast asleep, writing from Sydney

“There are people being sold for £20m who are not fit to lace Luka’s boots.” So said good old Harry Redknapp, steering into motion a vicious cycle that will now send inflation levels parachuting, floating past the peaks attained by the alleyway drunk on a magic mushroom high, waving at the faceless mountain ranges as if they were grinning right back at him with their bleached heads and Ray-Ban sunglasses. Chelsea’s Modrić bid has failed, and the tick-tocking of the clock holds locked the tone that has been set for this off-season’s transfer gala. As a wizened wizard once said to a blue-eyed, pale-skinned hobbit, ‘things are now in motion that cannot be undone.’ This is a statement that holds true across all fronts, now it comes to us, in our realm, (a place where demand is forever inelastic, until technology catches up with us and makes possible the looming advent of cloning) where there is only one Jordan Henderson, one David de Gea, one Juan Manuel Mata (but indeed countless Ronaldos, Romarios and Klebersons).

Read More

by Nick Lichtenberg, writing from a couch in New York City (okay, Brooklyn)
1)  Dimitar Berbatov reminds me of Steve Nash.


Nobody would mistake Dimitar Berbatov for an inspirational league MVP.  But a few years ago, Phoenix Suns’ point guard (and Tottenham supporter) Steve Nash was still in search of his first NBA title.  So he cut off his trademark long hair, as if it were symbolic of so many playoff failures.  Alas, Nash still has not won the championship he so richly deserves, but his Scholesian/Giggsian longevity and consistency have long since dispelled any doubts as to his true greatness.  

 
In Manchester, a similar long-haired paleface has shorn his locks as he seeks to prove his worth.  Of course, this would be Dimitar Berbatov, the bashful Bulgarian himself (or, in Mancunian terms, the great Bulgarian bust).  The striker’s emphatic volley against West Ham capped off another excellent effort, as the laconic one laid off a number of excellent balls for on-rushing attackers throughout the game, mostly Nani.   

Read More