While Lionel Messi has made it clear time and time again that his dream is to win a World Cup with Argentina, the truth is that he only has a couple of chances to do so until he is forced to retire. Given that the weight of a nation rests on the 24-year-old’s shoulders, Lionel Messi has teamed up with an array of top doctors from Argentina and Spain to ensure that Messi will bring Argentina success. In a groundbreaking move to appease his countrymen (and upstage Real Madrid’s island resort), Messi has agreed to create Argentina’s golden generation, quite literally.
Inspired by the controversial practices of Ivy League Baby™ for hopeful parents with overwhelming inferiority complexes, Lionel Messi’s children will not be brought up by just his future wife. Instead, Lionel has agreed to donate his seed to thousands of women who want to raise a little footballing maestro and also dream of Argentina hoisting the World Cup once more within their respective lifetimes.
Lionel Messi said: “I’m confident that Argentina can win one of the next three World Cups, but I’m not that confident. I mean, we pretty much found defenders in local parks to play with us in ‘10, so I can’t promise anything. To be honest, we don’t really compare with the Germans and the Spanish at the moment.”
He continued: “I’m only one guy, you know? But not to worry because I’m going to put this country on my back and create plenty of Messis for the next generation to enjoy. I talked with some doctors, and we have the technology. So why not? I now know that if I don’t win a World Cup, then my kids will in merciless fashion. That’s a pretty great feeling.”
Diego Maradona also made time during his latest press conference with Al Wasl to mention that he wanted to participate in this groundbreaking artificial insemination program. However, this announcement resulted in perilous screaming and even fainting by women in their mid-to-late 20s across Buenos Aires.