A Football Report

By Darshan Joshi

The drumming noises have been those of betrayal and mercenarism. Once heroes, even captains, these men have been crucified in the memories of long-suffering Arsenal fans as Adams, lured by rival teams, their equivalent of the forbidden fruit. They see it as unfair competition, those with a monetary largesse abusing their ability to offer some degree of wage multiplication. Whether the Manchester sides and Barcelona can be considered present-day rivals to Arsenal is highly debatable for the simple fact that the Londoners are no longer the force they once were. Those traitors moved to ascend the footballing hierarchy. They moved to attain success, amongst other intangibles.

They were replaced, to the best of the Arsenal powers of seduction. Germans and Spaniards came in to replace the Dutch- and Frenchmen. Even Thierry Henry, however ageing, returned once and is about to do so again. The Arsenalisms of fiscal austerity would do Merkel proud, but represent a 21^st century footballing failure of insight. For all of Wenger’s nous, this seems a painful misstep. Despite this, his team has replicated top-four finishes. The Holy Grail, however unlikely, is every season a possibility.

The Germans and Spaniards employed are no slouches. They are internationals of rude pedigree playing in a system to which they should suit. The midfield is on paper a colossus and if early performances are any indication, Jack Wilshere is worth every drop of hype. If these performances are any indication, he will be the next departing mercenary in the eyes of the fans forever loyal. He will seek pastures anew. Football is so often a tale of potential unfulfilled, which pains the heart to witness. Somehow, there must be a reincarnation of the fully powered Arsenal of the early-Wenger era, or the red of North London will linger a breeding ground for the Big Teams.

An objurgation ofttimes aimed at Arsenal is one of excessive on-field dalliance, of pretty sashaying culminating in nothingness. The intricacy is initially pleasing, then tedious, complex, unnecessary, and then it dies. The Arsenal way is Bollywood-esque flirtation, a kiss away from something, anything. It is not a sign of altruism; rather it exemplifies one thing – an inexistence of plerophory. Instilling belief is the domain of the manager, and perhaps the time has come for fresh innovativeness.

The suggestion is not fickle. It has grown over eight years; it is more than pyrophoric. The greying man in the Arsenal tracksuit is running out of ideas. He has proven himself over sixteen years to be an entrepreneur of beautiful football, of this there is no doubt. Arsenal, though, need change. Arsene too looks like he could use it. The eurozone turmoil is a stellar example of how drawn-out inaction spawns innumerable costs. Arsenal will linger as it stands, as their new rivals embrace change in the name of progress, and they will crumble. Departures are neither a tale of dollars nor a tale of perfidiousness. It is the impecuniosity of success that drives them on, and the current batch will never forget Bradford City 2012.

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By Darshan Joshi, writing in Sydney

It may be stretching the truth a little had I begun this by saying that there was only one team on the field, but it wouldn’t be a lie either. There was one moment during the match when it seemed as though Liverpool weren’t in grotesquely severe control of the match – Dimitar Berbatov lashed a half-volley, so curvaceous it may have made this month’s Playboy centrefold, beyond Pepe Reina, but, alas! All it did was shake the frame of the Spaniard’s goalmouth. And then there was a silence. Liverpool’s defensive third remained untouched for a long, long period, like a virgin resolutely set on prolonging its spell of abstinence. The picture is painted clearer than a van Gogh masterpiece when you notice the possession statistics: the Devils with 58% of the ball, yet, this very ball remained in United’s half for the majority of the match. And when United did get their goal, oh, if only there wasn’t a period of ninety minutes before then!

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Hosted by Neil Patrick Harris (articulated by Eric Beard and Darshan Joshi)

“Good evening and welcome to the 2010 AFR Website Award ceremony. Granted, it’s not an actual ceremony - we don’t have the financial finesse of an injured striker picking up £150,000-a-week for holidaying in the United States, and so the idea of renting a hall, hiring a DJ, and providing drinks and food sends shivers through our pockets. Seeing as AFR is indeed a relatively young site, it has undeniably gained some inspiration from witnessing the exponential growth of other such sites, and so, this inaugural event looks to put our fellow football bloggers in their rightful cyber-classes. Without them, I definitely would not be where I am today! Sites have been categorised into the following list:

- Most Entertaining Football Websites

- Best Football Videos Websites

- Best Club/Country Sites

- Best Football Podcasts

- Best Football Bloggers

- Best Niche Websites

- Best Football Websites

As with any award ceremony (the Oscars, the VMAs et al), those standing alone onstage waffling on about the history and prestige of being the ‘Best Actor in a Supporting Role’ would be more than likely to end up with a fair few hypothetical tomatoes on his, or her, well-nourished voguish fluff and so, we will swiftly move on with this… post.

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The First Ever AFR Podcast

Oliver Sparrow (London), Eric Beard (Atlanta), Ulysse Pasquier (Montreal), Darshan Joshi (Sydney), and Nick Lichtenberg (New York City) of the A Football Report team talk about everything in the world of football ranging from the 2018/2022 World cup Bids to the new change in ownership for Liverpool to EURO 2012 to the De Jong dilemma.

Our first ever podcast was incredibly enjoyable and in its entirety lasts a little less than an hour. So grab a cup of tea, get some work done, and relax while the AFR team talks the footy.

Here’s the breakdown of our conversation:

0-5:00 (Introducing ourselves and our background in football)

5:00-16:00 (Liverpool Takeover, NESV, Red Sox, Hodgson, New Stadium, Merseyside Derby)

16:00-21:00 (The Spanish mindset, Liverpool vs. Manchester commitment, Rooney vs. Fergie, The tax situation in England, Chicharito as a replacement for Rooney)

21:00-31:00 (2018/2022 World Cup Bids, Joint-bids, New locations, Qatar, Technology in 2022, Australia, the fall of Russian football attendance)

31:00-37:00 (England, Lack of #10, Miserable evening at Wembley, Capello becoming a joke, Kevin Davies, Adam Johnson could be world class)

37:00-40:00 (The French Revival, better team spirit, the Laurent Blanc difference, upcoming friendlies against England and Brazil, Valbuena and other young players)

40:00-50:00 (Hatem Ben Arfa, Nigel De Jong being sued by Marseille, Bert van Marwijk’s exclusion of De Jong, Newcastle and French outrage, “Street Fighter 2” challenges, dirty vs. strong in challenge, Stuart Holden at Bolton, Karl Henry, managers promoting poor sportsmanship, has the Premier League become more dirty recently?)

50:00-55:00 (English straightforward style, leads to physical play, Wolves and Mick McCarthy, Scotland and the 4-6-0 formation, Spain vs. Scotland)

We’d love to do this again, but we’d love it even more if you could give us feedback because we want to more our Podcast as enjoyable to listen to as possible. Cheers!

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By Darshan Joshi, writing from Sydney

There are many desks, lined up in a fashion resembling some form of office, just two blocks away from the children’s utopia that is Santa’s workshop (where a chubby old man dressed in red and white doing goodness-knows-what with children on his laps has elves and other mythological creatures slave away in his potentially Nike-esque sweatshop(s) every winter). The transfer rumour factory isn’t really a full factory, though. It only comprises of a piece of space large enough to fit sixteen tables, and seated at these slabs of wood are sixteen men and women (preferably eight of each, for reasons that will soon be insinuated) with quite possibly the most enchanting WiFi connection available – sprinkled golden with pixie dust from the nearby ‘giftshop’ no doubt. The transfer rumour factory is the workshop that keeps on giving.

Eight men, and eight women, with the promise of toddlers to come, exiled in the North Pole, a couple of blocks away from an old man who enjoys the company of younglings, rowdily hammering at their poor keyboards the names of randomly picked players and clubs, performing some kind of (black) magical litany that impresses upon the mind of the managers in question the need to shop like a woman at Jimmy Choo. Each day, us normal people, living our normal lives, pick up on the odd even rumour, and in sometimes, quite literally wet ourselves at the hope that Glen Johnson will indeed move to Juventus or Real Madrid.

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Hicks and Gillett are the American owners staining Liverpool’s legacy, as the British Empire once tainted the heritage of its colonies.

By Darshan Joshi, writing from Sydney

The barbarian ways of the old world has its way of biting back. As they say, history repeats itself. Not an exact replica, in most cases; it allows us to draw our own parallels. As with the way the British Empire, and many other empires of old, attempted to conquer the world in their foreordained quest for world domination, Tom Hicks and George Gillett are the worst of the 21^st century crop of colonisers. Different era, different setting, but the stage is still global, for football has grown in so many ways over the past few decades, not least financially. More specifically, English football has metamorphosed into what foreign billionaires will view as a stunning business opportunity.

The cries of Liverpool fans are that the owners don’t care for their legacy. They don’t care about tradition, history and heritage. They are there for the money, for the desire to satisfy their unrelenting passion for greed. Rewind nigh on four hundred years – the East India Company took charge of the subcontinent of India, a land brimming with all those age-old virtues of legacy, tradition, culture, history and heritage. For 339 years, every last drop of goodness was being utterly squeezed out of India – herbs, spices, tea, fabrics, silk, and cotton, amongst others, were all being ‘traded’ from the time of the East India Company itself, beyond the time of the British Raj, and until Mahatma Gandhi, as we all know, campaigned for and helped gain his country’s independence.

Is that not what is happening at Liverpool Football Club today, only cloaked in suits, ties and cufflinks?

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