It’s all about the money, money, money…

By Darshan Joshi, who should be fast asleep, writing from Sydney

“There are people being sold for £20m who are not fit to lace Luka’s boots.” So said good old Harry Redknapp, steering into motion a vicious cycle that will now send inflation levels parachuting, floating past the peaks attained by the alleyway drunk on a magic mushroom high, waving at the faceless mountain ranges as if they were grinning right back at him with their bleached heads and Ray-Ban sunglasses. Chelsea’s Modrić bid has failed, and the tick-tocking of the clock holds locked the tone that has been set for this off-season’s transfer gala. As a wizened wizard once said to a blue-eyed, pale-skinned hobbit, ‘things are now in motion that cannot be undone.’ This is a statement that holds true across all fronts, now it comes to us, in our realm, (a place where demand is forever inelastic, until technology catches up with us and makes possible the looming advent of cloning) where there is only one Jordan Henderson, one David de Gea, one Juan Manuel Mata (but indeed countless Ronaldos, Romarios and Klebersons).

The point being, now, that ‘mine is bigger than yours’ - £16m for Phil Jones? Pah! That means £45m for Javier Pastore! £60m for Fàbregas! £80m, £100m, £1bn! Exaggerations indeed, but this is what we have come to. There are these two breeds of inflation and they are cost-push and demand-pull. They are simple to grasp. Cost-push relates to rising costs quite nicely pushing prices up with it’s well-toned arms. Demand-pull is the negative; high demand causing a frenzy from the heavens, yet again quite nicely pulling prices up – this gives us a chance to say hello to those mountains we passed by earlier. We could go as far as to say that cost-push inflation has an impact on player prices – would an Alexis Sanchez with three years to run on his contract cost more than a Samir Nasri with one? Definitely. But the underlying theory relating this type of inflation with contractual obligations isn’t quite standing on firm ground. So swiftly we move on to demand-pull inflation, and ah, yes, this is where it all makes sense.

Jordan Henderson, Ashley Young, Phil Jones and indeed anybody else who could legally professionally throw on a jersey that is coloured with the beauty of three lions, kings of the jungle they do not live in, are special creatures. They are made necessary luxuries by a ruling imposed by the rulers of football. Six plus five, they said. Oh, and let us introduce financial fair-play, too – spend what you earn! Contradictory rules, if you think about it. But that is not where our business lies tonight. Too much money chases these rare products, driving prices up, up, up, like that alleyway drunk… yes, the same one. He’s been busy. This much has been made clear – Englishmen will cost a fortune.

But this seed has been planted now, by Redknapp, this seed that will bloom into a beautiful flower of an idea. Foreigners, too, will cost fortunes, this summer. If you take Jordan Henderson as the benchmark for this summer, his £20m price tag will send the footballing world dancing around chequebooks, pens inking figures they have never written before. Jessie J said it wasn’t about the money, the cha-chang, cha-chang or the ba-blang, ba-blang, oh but it is. Luka Modrić will probably not be leaving White Hart Lane for a price that doesn’t surpass £30m, and now everybody will take heed of this warning. We can’t stop now… it’s already begun. Prepare for a summer of spending that may seem mindless, but for the fact that it exists solely because we made it happen. No fingers are pointed at UEFA, none whatsoever. Except our index ones.