Wednesday’s Words of the Messiah

Oh hey bromistas! Sorry about just abandoning you last week! When the Dalai Lama calls, your boy has to listen. It’s part of my new contract. Hope Pep didn’t freak you out too much, he told me it was tough converting his immaculate thoughts into writing. Well, you’ve caught me at the airport. I always look vulnerable (I know. Me? Vulnerable? jajaja) in pictures at the airport, but that’s just cause you chicos y chicas can’t see what’s in my cart. I’ll explain later…

Anyway, I’ve missed you guys more than the money Joan Laporta misses the money lost last night in Germany. That’s right, your boy went to Germany to show a few “jungen” (ninos) how to play the game. We also had a Champions League match, but we may or may not have been excited for another reason. You have to understand, Hleb and a bunch of his other fellow Stuttgart (try not to laugh) players were planning an awesome Ronaldinho-like “superparty” for after the game.

The game ended 1-1 (we still have the advantage), but we wanted everyone in Stuttgart to be ready to go all out for a crazy night, and we didn’t want to be the ones to ruin the mood. So we let the Germans off the hook with only a mild disadvantage to set the stage for one of the most memorable nights (even though Andrés doesn’t remember it at all, jajaja) in quite some time. Anyway, those Germans have to come to Barça next time, I’ll personally put on the Danglefiesta of 2010 for you guys during that game. And I mean, we did win 4-0 just a few days ago, would it really be fair to merk that hard again on such short notice?

As always, I still have my picks for the players with the most swag since we last jived. The Dalai Lama had a baller HDTV in his basement, so I watched the Mancs do work on Milan while chilling with some monks. While Rooney is on my short-list for ugliest players with the most swag (actually a very honourable list to be on, ask Puyol), the Milan duo of ‘dinho and Dutchman Clarence Seedorf get my pick for the lads who lit it up. They didn’t really play to win, but rather to put on a show. Only a few can do both simultaneously, but I respect the effort.

Now the Dalai Lama wanted to pick someone this week (after I explained to him the intricacies and values associated with “swag”), and he made the wise choice of Didier Drogba. Drogeeeshhhhh (as I call him) used to be on the Lama’s list of people who is a disgrace, but recently the Ivorian has made amends by consistently getting it done on the field. The guy also has committed to building a series of hospitals throughout Africa; the Dalai Lama le gusta.

Next on the swag list is yet another bro living it up in London: Carlo Ancelotti. Now Carlo watches his team do work just like Pep does, but this swag-filled Italian (pulling off the Guardiola-esque V-Neck as well) had the most baller response to the question, “what won you that game?” I’ve been asked this question soooo many times, and I’ve always wanted to just tell the truth and say, “Were you watching? Did you not see how I made the other team bow down to me?”. But Pep wouldn’t like that very much. Anyway, Carlo, you’re a Messiah-approved boss.

That’s all I really have to say for this week my bromistas, I’m going to set-up a huge projector next to Ronaldo’s house solely showing highlights of yours truly.

Much love until next week,