A Football Report

Hey guys, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Actually, Pep’s been making me think. I hoped it wouldn’t happen, but apparently Cristiano sent an email to the Pepmeister that said it was linking to a Rick Astley music video, but it actually brought him here.  That’s right. Pep knows about all about the happenings of the Messiah. But before my fellow bromistas start breaking down like you’re Guti playing against Alcorcon, it’s not all bad news. (By the way, if you clicked on the link above, then you’ve just been “Rick Rolled” courtesy of the Messiah).

The good news: Pep said I can keep communicating with my disciples like I have been doing so with the same old swag.

The bad news: There are going to be a few changes. Pep said I can’t go on talking about myself all the time, but I gotta shift the focus to retain the “universal balance of the game” (his words, not mine). In your boy’s terms, the Barca bros have been merking so hard that it’s just not fair to continue the ownage online with personal jive. So from now on, my perspective is on the deportistas around the world who have been throwing it down like your name is Dani Alves. You’re all welcome in advance, but not just anyone can get the Messiah’s blessing. You need swag, style, and your name to not be Cristiano.

So here’s to a new beginning. I’m going to be modest like no one has ever seen before.

My player who had the most swag this week was definitely Cesc Fabregas. Now I know Dani Alves dangled all over Valladolid’s faces, but Cescy was large and in charge against Bolton to put Arsenal on top of the second best league in the world.

This next one had me confused. I saw Keita show up in the 89th minute for the Ivory Coast, and I was like, “What? In Africa you can play for more than one country?” But it turns out that there is a certain Abdulkader Keita, who rolls with the same style and name as my brother Seydou. Goal of the week, hands down, goes to the week’s best Keita. (sorry Seydou)

Now before our pregame prayer on Saturday I was watching some scrubfest between Tottenham and Leeds. But just like Argentina has me, Leeds has some baller named Jermaine Beckford. No one else outside of England has ever heard of you Jermaine, but keep doing your thing like a boss.

So I know we’ve all been laying into Thierry a little hard lately, but Frenchie, you’re my class act of the week. Not for doing work on the field though. Like a lot of us on the team, Thierry threw down a good amount of change to those in need in Haiti. Actually, you did have some mediocre swag on show in Zidane’s friendly for Haiti, so I’ll give you some on the field style points as well.

Anyway, that’s all that is on my mind right now, I’m about to go tell Cristiano that taking his frustration out by breaking random players’ noses is not the way we do it in Espana. I signed him up for a years worth of anger management lessons with this guy.

Much love until next week,

What did you think of this week’s message from the Messiah? Comments below please!