Wednesday’s Words of the Messiah

What up bromistas? I’m trying to keep a low profile after cutting and slicing up defenders last Saturday. Ever since I’ve joined Barca, your boy has given the world 99 problems. But, as you know, I don’t stop there. I had to add two more problems to Sevilla’s agenda. That’s right. 100 and 101. I need to be real, I’ve been getting a lot of praise for being the youngest Barca player to score 100 goals, but people are forgetting that I also am the player who scored 100 goals with more style than anyone else. With the swag points scale, the goals I’ve scored equal about 2,000 normal goals. You gotta respect the style points.

This past Saturday I kicked off the first edition of DangleFiesta 2010 against Sevilla. Now if you remember Pep wasn’t too happy that we didn’t run circles around Sevilla last Wednesday. I didn’t think so many haters would try to throw us off our grind.

Truth be told, it’s not fair if we win every game by 10-0. Pep said it was some sort of ethical dilemma for the good of the game to let other teams feel like they can actually play against us. So we took it easy with a 1-0 win down in Andalucia. You know let Jesus Navas and co. celebrate a loss with their fans before the Messiah rips them to shreds back in Barcelona.

Now that we are not ‘perfect’ anymore, Pep told us that we can finally play with 'no ceilings’. So I did. By the end of the day I had Palop and his defence on their knees just begging me to stop. Pep said it was okay that I was torturing them because it was just a bit of vigilante justice for our Copa Del Rey loss.

Pep is a jefe, and he here’s what he said about me after the danglefest: “"It only depends on him to break all possible records. He has some very, very high numbers. What we like most is that his ambition has no limit. I feel that he wants more. He is a wonderful example to the future generations.”

Respect Peppy! But I need to set one thing straight. I’m not about the numbers, the numbers are about me. No number can hold me downnnnn. Nothing can hold me down! King Kong ain’t got **** on me! Ok. Sorry about that. I lost control, just a little Pepe moment. But of course my ambition has no limit! Who else do expect Bojangles, Illiesta, myself, and the rest of us here to compare ourselves to? And I’m all about the future generations! I’ve been talking with a few people who are going to clone me to make sure I am the future generations!

Anyway, that’s all that’s on my chest. I’m going to go cover Cristiano’s house with a huge Bilbao flag. Jajajajajaja! Seriously. Llorente just dropped it off in my driveway.

Much love until next week,