A Football Report

Hey guys! Hope midweek misery hasn’t been getting to you, but I have to admit it has been a somewhat confusing week for your boy. As you guys know, I love Peppy G. He’s the boss. We might have merked the tarts at Tenerife with a five-star right on the back, but Peppy couldn’t get past the fact we lost at the Camp to Sevilla. Since then he has been making the team read all this philosophy. It’s been pretty irritating.

Actually, the Pepmeister wasn’t too thrilled when Bojan threatened that hater disguised as a ref. Pep likes to think of little Bojangles as the pure spirit of our team (even though we all know he pulls chicas like his name is Gerard Pique), so when Pep saw the Spanish/Serbian hybrid of swag on show he was pretty concerned. I guess Bojan did only just celebrate his 19^th annual birthfest. But Pep has been making the whole team “examine” the way we live our lives to make sure we “are worth living”.

So your boy shows up to do work for the Barcelona faithful, but ends up discussing Socrates. Guys, this is a disgrace. Not gonna hate too hard on the Greeks since they’ll be humiliated after I’m through with them at the World Copa, but I’ve got a few thoughts on my mind. I’m pretty sure Socratic swag has some substance, but it’s just not for Pep. Ever since Pep got his hands on The Republic (no thanks to you, Arsene Wenger), I’ve been in a freaking Meno-esque state (thanks to Iniesta for that word).

Seriously, Guardiola has been a little too obsessed with his name lately. He’s telling us he’s wants to be the “Guard-ian” of the Barcelona “regime” and that he’ll lead us as the Blaugrana’s “philosopher-king”. Now he’s completely right on the first part, cause Peppy always has his guard up for us at the club to make sure we don’t make any decisions I’ll regret come three in the morning at the club.

But honestly, what is my boy going on about with this “regime” shenanigans? He keeps saying a regime can’t be perfect. But here’s what I think: Are we a force? You know it. Are we a group of warriors? Well, Dani and Puyol alone could take on most teams. Are we perfect? Six for Six. Come on. Didn’t they invent the sixth star for us? I personally think Peppy is just having a mid-life crisis cause he’s getting more action off the field now then he was when he was playing 90 minutes at the Camp every week. Sometimes a bro needs to enjoy “the situation”. Yeah, you know why that’s in quotes.

Anyway, Thierry has been telling me to trust Pep with this philosophy jive. He said he had to study it at Arsenal the summer before they had an undefeated season. I’ll give it a shot I guess. But Thierry has been taking a lot of heat from Pep for trying to show off his knowledge, but Pep said that he knew nothing because someone who truly understood philosophy couldn’t live so unethically. Burned… That was nothing compared to when Ibra said he lived his life according to the values of “the Ibra”. I’ll let you guys know if I learn anything, but I think your boy has the stylin’ life on lock.

On a completely different note, I want to give a shout-out to my African brother (in the more meaningful sense), the swanky Seydou Keita. Hope you’ve been teaching your friends about the masterful Messi-ah down there. Haha. If you didn’t hear, the classy Keita wanted to give Angola a chance by letting them go up 4-0 before making his nation score four goals to tie it. Hey, we know you could have gotten five, but there’s nothing classier then letting the host nation have a chance. Hear that Marquez? That’s all that’s on my mind at the moment, I’m about to go remind David Villa that he could have won two trophies already with Barca.

Much love until next week,

Your thoughts on this week’s message from the Messiah?