A Football Report

Ah, the New Year. In Rosario, we used to spend the night before drinking sidra and playing charades. And then — the day after, strong coffee or maté… This year was no different with coffee the day after, but I went all out with Dani this time. Your Brazilian bro has been begging me to party with him, so I thought why not on New Years. The Brazil-Argentina alliance was on full display in Barcelona, and man we left our mark on the town like no other player of the year could do.

After downing about a dozen Caipirinhas, your boy hit up Las Ramblas with Dani. Now whenever I head to Las Ramblas I expect to be bombarded by the Barcelona faithful, but this time was a little different. Joan Laporta was doing his thing that night as well, and with a bottle of Champ in his right hand, he straight up tackled me from behind. Dani, not realizing it was our boy, picked up Joan and threw him five meters into a street vendor.

Joan, though mildly concussed, apparently thanked Dani for tossing him because he got to go home with a girl who felt bad for him. Nothing like a little Barcelona teamwork. Pep would be proud.

Anyway, I’m not gonna hate on Joan. Honestly, I got a little sloppy that night. Not too pleased with this, but I guess I sent out a bunch of tipsyyyy texts from my mobile. Before Dani sends them out to everyone, I want to share them with you guys first.

To Maradona: “If you thought this was my year, wait til 2010000 dona! The Mesiah dont need a Hand of God to do work. Ima bring da cup back to the promised land.” I accidently sent this text to Thierry as well.

Speaking of Thierry, Pep just let me know that he had to post up maddd bail money because Thierry got arrested in New York City trying to stop the ball from dropping at midnight. That kid needs to quit it with obsession with touching balls. Anyway, back to these texts.

To Cristiano: “Sorry your boy was the baller with the most swag this year. Second in voting means you gonna get my seconds with the girls at the club. But second place isn’t so bad, you’ll get used to it in Madrid! Jajajajaja!”

To Cesc Fabregas: “So Cescy, saw your swag on show with some Barcelona-esque moves on TV last week. When you’re ready to do something real, hit me up son. Catalunya’s calling you back, you gotta show it some love or it will destroy you in the form of Puyol. Jajajajaja! But seriously, if you go to Madrid Carlos said he would cut you in two at the first chance he gets.”

Yeah so I’m not too proud of these. There are more, but I think that’s enough for now. Maybe I’ll share some more with you later on. Anyway Puyol and I are trying out some gangster Yoga program, so I gotta run and get my flexibility on.

Much love until next week,