Wednesday’s Words of the Messiah

Oh. Ciao! I didn’t see you. It has been a slightly average week for your boy. After Thierry delayed the FIFA Player of the Year awards by trying to rig the voting for himself, I emerged victorious. I tried to act surprised, but I’m only the best player in the world, I’m no Penelope Cruz. Jajajajaja!

Anyway, your boy wants to share the wealth with you. From now on, I’m going to let you guys know what is going on in my world. You already know I was living up the dream in Dubai last week. The weather was pretty freshh. Joan hooked us up mad nice with a beach front hotel, mad beaches all up in that. The Club World Cup was pretty dank. Everybody thought we were gonna win even before it started… so I did.

You know your boy keeps a low-profile on the prowl, but I can’t say the same for Joan. After I scored the winning goal of the cup (again) with my chest, cause it was too easy to nod in with the dome, Joan, already on his 2nd bottle of Champ, tried to bring a dozen Dubai girls into the locker room. The girls wanted to have a good time… until they saw Ibra, who scared them off with his nose, which also happened at the beginning of the season at Bojan’s 19th annual birthfest.

Speaking of Bojan, he flew 20 of his chicas down to Dubai this week for the tourney. Yesterday, he went swimming with sharks with his whole posse. I’m so proud of that kid. He’s knows what it means to straight out of La Masia. Dani Alves also went with Bojan to swim with the sharks, but a fight “accidently” broke out. From what Bojan told me, it was a fist fight until Dani pulled out the switchblade and did what he does best.

At this week’s team unity session led by Pep, the team realized that there are people in the world that need our help. Pep made us pray for them. Pep has told Xavi to lead the Barcelona mission of saving the world from hunger, disease, and poverty.  Xavi was happy to help, but Iniesta was sad he couldn’t captain the philanthropy squad. You know your boy is going to do his part, but unlike Iniesta I’m going to do it while looking freshhhhhh.

Cristiano has not stopped Facebook-messaging me since I won Player of the Year, but it’s all good. Cristi is also still upset that Iniesta called him a diving little girl during El Clasico. It hurts the most because Iniesta has never insulted anyone before. Cristi said that that comment hurt worse than the time Paul Scholes kicked him in the cajones during training.

Maradona wanted me to mention him, so I just did. De Nada. Anyway, your boy is about to hit up the club with Pique and Ibra. Hopefully, Z doesn’t break his nose again and maybe this time Pique will leave something for me.

See you next week,