The idea of Catenaccio, criticisms of calcio, and how wrong they are

By Kieran Dodds, writing from Cambridge

Saturday morning. I, still a wee lad, run downstairs as fast as my little legs will carry me. No weekend lie in for me. James Richardson and Channel 4 are calling. On goes the television. There’s the music! Generic 90s theme tune resounds through the living room. Except, there’s nothing generic about this at all. Gruff Italian man shouts ‘Campionato! Di Calcio! ITALIANO!’ in time to the music (I think he’s Italian, but I’m unsure, and certain that it doesn’t really matter). I don’t know what it means, but I’m positively exhilarated. The name ‘BAGGIO’ jerks its way along the screen and, a few seconds later… oh, it’s that sweet, eternal sound: either ‘GOAL LAZIO!’, ‘GOLAZZO!’ or ‘GOLACCIO!’ depending upon one’s disposition. And now, there he is. Oh, James Richardson. James, with your polished bald bonce. James, with your cappuccino and quaint Milanese bistro. James, with your crisp, hot-off-the-press edition of Gazzetta dello Sport. This is Football Italia. This is my childhood.

Italian football has come a long way since those halcyon days; days in which bonafide superstars like Zinedine ‘Zizou’ Zidane, Ronaldo, and – my personal favourite – George ‘Moved To Man City Before It Was Cool’ Weah plied their trade at Juventus, Inter and Milan respectively. The consensus is that Serie A has regressed since then; that not only can it not compete with the self-proclaimed Best League In The World (the Barclays Premier League, of course), but that it has also fallen behind La Liga, the Bundesliga, Ligue 1 and its other European rivals in the quest for continental superiority. Serie A, the critics insist, is some sort of mediterranean SPL in which: all fans are backward hooligans; all football is ‘that catanachio rubbish’; and all players and officials are crooked, looking to throw the next match – any match – in order to make a quick buck (or Lira, or Euro, or whatever bloody currency they use over there).

Oh, dear. How wrong they are. Ish.

The thing is, however ignorant one may think the average critic, they sort of have a point. Sort of. So, let’s run through the criticism in the order in which I have outlined.

Firstly, hooliganism. I shan’t try to defend the indefensible. The emergence of so-called ‘Ultra’ supporter groups are a stain on Italy’s national sport, their fascist racist politics and perverted love of violence abhorrent to every sane observer. Let me make one point, however: the situation in Italy is far from ideal, but we cannot pretend it is a problem for Italians alone. In Germany too there are worrying reports of a rise in fan violence, and not only among the clubs once belonging to the old East Germany. And lest we forget where these continental types learned the art of hooliganism. That’s right: we noble English. Clamping down on the moronic minority is imperative, but, at a time when English football faces racism scandal after racism scandal, it seems just a bit rich to be lecturing our Italian comrades.

Next, and this is a big one, Catenaccio. Before anything else, people forget that this is an art form; an intricate tactical system that requires scrupulous organisation and iron-willed discipline. Instead, when we hear Catenaccio we instinctively think long ball and kicking two lumps out of the other bloke. We think Big Sam on steroids. (Side note: can we be sure that Big Sam isn’t on steroids? It would go some way to explaining his mind-boggling, almost-impressive-in-its-scale self-delusion.)

Again, I won’t pretend that a problem doesn’t exist when it patently does. I won’t pretend that the rugged-Italian-defender stereotype (is this such a bad thing?) is false or has been plucked from thin air. I won’t pretend that Serie A matches La Liga with regards free-flowing, tiki-taka fútbol. But those who dismiss this still-great league as little more than collective defensive dross are ignorant in the extreme (these are the types, one presumes, who had never heard of ‘peerless Pirlo’ before his stellar Euro 2012 performance). You see, the armchair critic of Italian football doesn’t just think that Serie A has regressed. No, he thinks that it was never any good to start with. More on this later, but what I will say straight off is that this is a breed who obviously failed to spend their childhood Saturdays in the manner that I did.

That dealt with, we’re back to the indefensible. Match fixing. What on earth can you say? You win this round, phantom Serie A hater.

But that doesn’t invalidate any of my aforementioned points. Don’t you remember some of those cherished Football Italia moments of old? Pavel Nedved and Alessandro Del Piero, two honorary Torinese artists, linking up for Juve? Gabriel Batistuta banging them in for La Viola? Pippo Inzaghi doing the same for Milan, with Clarence Seedorf the ever-brilliant puppeteer? (Note I haven’t yet mentioned the defensive prowess of Paolo Maldini, Fabio Cannavaro et al for fear of being labelled an apologist for bad old Italian anti-football.) Add in that famous soundtrack, and commentary by Pro Evolution Soccer legend Peter Brackley (they even had Luther Blissett on co-com!) and you have the closest thing to paradise I think I could realistically imagine. I could go on. And on and on and on.

Forgive me, though, if this article has turned into wide-eyed reminiscing of days past. Instead, let me make a wider point about what Serie A has to offer now and in years to come. For, as well as a proud past, Italian football can boast a vibrant future.

Last season saw giants Juventus and Milan tussling for the title; the Turin club’s eventual victory was their first in a decade. Inter had an absolute shocker, only managing sixth position; Roma fared even worse in one place lower; and Fiorentina had to settle for a miserable thirteenth. Challengers like Udinese and Napoli (third and fifth respectively), meanwhile, have proved that in Italy, perhaps unlike in the self-proclaimed Best League In The World, ‘outsiders’ can seriously challenge for honours. And don’t think that this competitiveness is somehow a by-product of Serie A’s relative weakness as a league.

Italy, lest we forget, remains home to many of the world’s premier footballers. For every old Buffon there is a new Sirigu (now of PSG, but made in Palermo). For Del Piero, read Giovinco. For Inzaghi, read Pato (if he could just stay healthy…). Just look at the national team: for the Azzurri, despite all the doubts, all the scandals, Euro 2012 wasn’t half bad, eh? Indeed, if reports are to be believed and Robin van Persie joins up with Juve, we could even have another Italian Champions League winner on our hands (remember, the last one was only two years ago with José Mourinho’s Inter Milan). Just as it once was, so it shall be again.

Now, where was I? Ah, yes. ‘GOAL LAZIO!’